Positive Relationships

Very recently I've had to "kick" a 4th grader out of one of my groups that comes to see me for reading help every day. For the two months I worked with him before Spring Break he was one of the hardest working, most eager to learn, and ready to please (by following directions/participating in discussions) students. However, progressively after SB he started to act out. At first it was little things, like making snide remarks to a peer at my table and hurting their feelings. Then it was throwing a fit about not wanting to read a certain book or do a certain activity. Finally, all three hit constantly throughout lessons and he argued with me constantly with issues that were made very clear from the get-go. Anyways, finally this week I decided enough was enough. I had been giving him reminders to do the right thing, be respectful, say nice things or don't say anything at all, and I even taught him how to "argue" respectively. Nothing stuck. I decided to cut the cord on him coming to small group. He was angry with me, and I was very disappointed in him. I also felt like I had failed, but the very moment I thought that I reminded myself that if I kept letting him treat me like that I was letting him walk all over me, and I wouldn't be doing him any good in the long run.

Well, the next couple of days when he saw me in the hallway he would scowl at me. On the third day, when I went to go pick up the group he was begging me to come back. I said no, calmly, and he begged again for another chance. I pulled him out in the hallway so the class couldn't hear us talking and asked him how many chances he'd already had from me. His eyes hit the floor and he said oh so sadly, "too many". My heart sank for the kid but I stood firm. I let him know that even though he lost the privilege of getting extra help with me that it didn't mean I no longer cared about him. I told him he is one of the reasons I love doing what I do, and I asked him to bring the old him back and return to the hard working, respectful, happy student I once saw in him. I also told him if I saw a genuine change in him over a period of time, he may even earn his spot back in my group.

Now when I see him in the hallway it's all smiles and hellos. It was very important to me that he know I was not going to hold a grudge against him. He really is such a sweet kid and I do miss working with him. Well, the old him. It's been bugging the heck out of me as to why he suddenly changed. I think maybe there is a lesson or two to be learned from this for me as well.